Tuesday, April 14, 2009

What Bothers Me

People that have extreme adoration for their children. People that put everything they have into their kids and make them the center of their lives.

It's just a little weird.

I like it when people have realistic adoration for their kids. Hey my kid is ultra cool, they do these cool things, oh holy hell they are being a little shit today. I punish my kids. They have boundaries and sometimes they make me wish I didn't breed. I don't think they are special little bundles of joy and beauty. They are cool because they are mine, maybe they even look a little like me and act a little like me. Maybe we have similar interests. But they aren't my shining center of my life. I have other things I need to focus on, like oh HEY how about the father of my kids? Without him there are no kids, there is no family unit and without a secure relationship with him, the kids lose their feeling of security and their ideas of a healthy relationship.

Kids like being trusted to be independent. They don't really NEED to be the center of your life, and you don't need them to be, either. After all, they grow up and leave and become the center of their own lives, as well they should. I'll be proud of myself if I can make kids that are independent, follow their dreams, but always know there is a safe haven with me during the rough times.

If your ultimate goal in life is to become a mother, then don't have a husband. When the marriage loses value because a kid arrives, things start going south. That is the primary reason marriages go under - I didn't believe it until I saw it numerous times. It manifests in the worst of ways. There needs to be a balance. I hope those of you that are married with children have found it or at least try to find it every day. I hate to see families fall apart because of a lack of balance. I always hope I can create something for my children that my parents were unable to create - balance and stability. And with that, we can weather the changes and upheavals together rather than apart as I had to.

That's what bothers me today.


  1. I agree, but I hate everything that has to do with children.

  2. Agreed, with the exception of my own parents. I accept the extreme adoration in that case.


  3. Fortunately, I had stability, adoration, security and happiness with my parents. I agree with what you said, though, about kids not being your reason for exiting. Too many kids a re coddled, spoiled this way. It's not healthy for the parent(s) or the child(ren). There needs to be a line drawn, to let them grow and mature, and you need to have that in your relationship with your spouse, too. Good entry.

    PS: I put my recipe in a new journal entry. You've been warned. lol. Hugs.

  4. Shanny - yes I know about that. It could change. You are still so wee!!!

    Jenn - it's nice to get that adoration as an adult in some ways, because it means they accept you for the choices you've made even if they don't always agree :)

    And thanks X!!

  5. Parents who exaggerate the qualities of their children are subconsciously planning to sell them into slavery or prostitution – that’s been my experience.

  6. Your unique viewpoints are always welcome and sometimes, I giggle at them.